The perfect ladiesman
by MissWingedLioness
Summary: Ronald is the perfect ladiesman. Or so he thinks to be. Humor/crack. One-shot.


**Hi darlings! Kathy again! :D**

 **But first, a question! Cold season! How many people here gain a little weight during this season? I mean, I love autumn and winter, but sometimes I eat like a pig and then I get angry at myself for doing that. lol**

 **Hope you'll like this.**

The perfect ladiesman.

Autumn.

This season is an hard one for people. Cold weather is coming and no one feels like doing anything. Eating food becomes a pleasure for many people while practicing sports becomes an utopy, and, even for Shinigamis, it's hard to keep a perfect, muscular body without gaining a little weight, even if they eat very less than other kinds of creatures.

So, without even realizing it, Ronald Knox was in the corner of his personal bedroom, crying like a child along with his senpai, complaining about his current situation.

-"*Sniff* Senpai, I know it's stupid but… during autumn I always gain some weight and, believe it or not, ladies start to refuse hanging out with me…"

-"Oh Ronnie, I know, when I gain weight I feel so angry! William always says that I don't get fat during autumn but I think I do! And chocolate is so good and sweet and-"

-"Yes, I understand Senpai, but let me explain you the truth about this whole thing… Even if I would get fat, ladies would still hang out with me, I'm too sexy to refuse, but after the whole snail's slime cream fiasco many ladies are so angry at me that…"

-"Ronald Knox. Are you by chance suggesting that my lovely Crimson Rose is guilty if ladies slap you right in the face because you are a jerk? Come on, you dated most of them, had them in your bed and then dumped them or cheated on them! My baby isn't guilty if you're an asshole!

-"Well, and I'm not guilty if you were so crazy in love with that demon butler that you even invented a shitty cream thinking you could ever have a chance with him by using that! That thing was disgusting and I want to remind you that you almost killed your precious snail by trying to make her produce slime! You even risked making William's house explode! And you call me an asshole! You're egoist senpai!"

With that, Ronald started to cry again, and Grell followed him right after. After a long, long silence, Ronald asked:

-"Hey Senpai, I'm sorry if I said those things, I don't really believe what I said. Do you… do you really think I'm a jerk with all the girls I date?"

-"No Ronnie, I couldn't think that. Most of them are crazy and jealous, it's not your fault… Now I think it's time to watch TV, let's watch something funny in order to cheer us up!"

You should know, by now, that this couldn't bring anything positive for our heroes. At least in this story, television is the real plague.

x.X.x

"Ladies and gents, here we are, presenting you our new, incredibile, technologic innovation! Extreme Power Belt will save your sport life and avoid you tons of physical exercises during the week! Just wearing this belt will allow you to sweat and lose weight in a few weeks! Women? You will get skinnier and sexier! Men? This belt can make your abdomen more muscular and, by that, your shoulder will seem bigger! All women will love that, it's guaranteed!"

Never. Tell. Ronald. About. This.

Too late. This spot meant a sort of salvation for him, and even Grell was interested. For Grell, being skinnier meant being attractive and perfect (1.), for Ronald, being muscular meant resolving his problems with dating ladies that could refuse him. Both of them were thinking the same thing. Make an order and use William's human house as a target. Again. Poor, poor William.

Not that Grell and Ronald cared. Their plan was, again, perfect, and no one could say otherwise. William would just surrender to their incredible genius and make them do as they pleased. He already agreed once to follow their plan, why should a second time be so difficult for him?

x.X.x

When William entered Ronald's house, he was immediately assaulted by Grell who hugged him tightly while Ronald explained him what the two wanted. If William hadn't fainted the time he was told about the whole slimey cream plan, this time he just fell onto the ground with Grell on top, without even having the chance to declare himself again the idea.

When he regained his consciousness again, he found himself to be in his human house. Grell and Ronald were wearing their new belts and complimenting themselves about their great idea. Something inside him snapped. He evoked his death schyte and tried to trim Grell's hair. Grell dodged him and started to run, then he stopped and his nose started to bleed. Ronald watched him in amazement. William hadn't realized he was completely nude. And the duo didn't remember they had stripped their boss and left him naked.

William's eyebrow twitched. Once. Twice. Then he went bersek and started to run after the two, trying to cut them to pieces with his pruner. Grell was screaming lewd things, something that sounded like "don't use your pruner to poke me, use your other resource, it's bigger" while Ronald laughed and run for dear life, trying to avoid getting into William's crazed rampage.

Hours passed, William was tired and Grell continued "wooing" him with words. Ronald, however, sat serious and thoughtful on William's sofa. His boss' body really was something. And now he understood why Grell wanted him so badly. But what was his secret? He just had to ask to find out.

-"Hey boss, can I ask you something?"

-"Go on."

-"How can you maintain your body so perfect?"

-"Yes, yes William, tell us!" – said Grell, joining the conversation.

-"I do exercises every day after work and I eat vegetables and fruit when I feel like eating."

-"Blaaaah, that's so boring! – Grell and Ronald's voices echoed together.

-"You wanted to know, I told you. You can follow my advice or not, I don't really care."

-"Then fuck you boss, I'm a grown man, I do what I want!"

And with that, William started running after his subordinate again, in all his nude glory. Grell couldn't be more pleased.

x.X.x

The next day, Ronald was walking casually around the office. He was sure no girl couldn't avoid watching him. That belt really was a good thing. Every girl that watched him got a kiss from the two-toned reaper. Many girls were laughing and the blonde couldn't understand what was going on. He was fascinating now, wasn't he? He didn't gain any weight and he was still as awesome as always. Then why they were laughing?

So, while Ronald pondered on this, Eric casually walked near him and says:

-"Yo, ladies man. Do you realize you're covered in sweat and you stink like a garbage dump?"

Embarrass covered Ronald's pride in a moment and he learned something. Ladies don't like "manly smell". The ones who say that truly are dumbasses (2.).

 **Kathy's corner!**

 **Hi again!**

 **I hope you liked this. I'm not too satisfied of how this story turned out to be but, hey, I tried. So, if someone leaves a comment and tells me what he/she thinks, I would really appreciate that.**

 **(1.) I don't think so, I just wrote this for this story's purpose.**

 **(2.) Some men say women love when they stink because it's a "manly smell". I personally don't find it true, but I think they say this to justify the fact they don't feel like taking a shower once in a while. Lazy assess. XD**


End file.
